2 Samuel 1:12

I am so far behind in my current bible study that is not even funny. I have been so overwhelmed with sick kids, work, and just life in general that I have pushed my time with the Lord aside...shame on me!!! I need my Savior everyday! Without Him, I am a mess. I feel unworthy. I feel...incomplete!!

So, in my trying to catch up God has revealed to me something that I so needed to hear right now!! The bible study is called "Anointed, Transformed, Redeemed" by Priscilla Shirer, Beth Moore, and Kay Arthur. It is a study of David, a man after God's own heart!!! Can I say...Amazing!!!!! Totally amazing! (there went my 80's talk that seems to want to come out more and more)

2 Samuel 1:12 "They mourned and wept and fasted till evening for Saul and his son Jonathan, and for the army of the Lord and the house of Israel, because they had fallen by the sword."

Why does this strike me? What could this scripture possible have to do with anything in my life?? Well, I too mourn. I mourn over the losses that I have experience. My sweet baby girl. My amazing father. My wonderful mother. My precious grandmother. All of these losses have occurred in the last 5 years. My heart breaks just as David's did. He mourned. He wept. He felt the loss just as I did. But what really got me was the study note. I love study notes. They really help me to look more into the scripture than just what I see.

"David and his men were visibly shaken over Saul's death. Their actions showed their genuine sorrow over the loss of their king, their friend Jonathan, and the other soldiers of Israel who died that day. They were not ashamed to grieve. Today, some people consider expressing emotions to be a sign of weakness. Those who wish to appear strong try to hide their feelings. But expressing our grief can help us deal with our intense sorrow when a loved one dies."

Even though the deaths that I mourn over happened from 5 years ago to almost 2 years ago, my heart still aches. My sorrow is still intense. I want to be strong, but why? Sometimes you just have to show your grief. Sometimes, you just have to cry. Sometimes you just have to crawl into the Lords lap and allow him to comfort you, to wipe your tears, and soothe your heart.

So, today I am crawling into my Lords lap and asking Him to help me. I am allowing Him to be my Comforter. My Shield. My Healer. I miss my mother so much! I miss my father! I miss my grandmother! I miss my angel baby girl! Oh how I need His arms wrapped around me this week. Please Lord! I need you!!