In His Love: March 2009

I am sure you have heard the song "He Didn't Have to Be" by Brad Paisley.

What? You haven't?

Oh, you must hear the song!

I know that the song is really a song from a son to his dad, but I really think of my dad when I hear the song.

How?

Well, the song is so my dad! He started dating my mom, who was a single mom with 4 kids!! Not just one kid BUT 4!! He not only fell in love with my mom but also with ALL the kids as well. They married. He took the kids in, treated them like the his own, adopted them and gave them his name. I am amazed by that.

Why is that so amazing???

Well, my mom was 29 with 4 kids and my dad was 51!!! His other 3 kids were grown, married with families of their own and he loving took 4 kids...ages 2-8...and started raising them!!!

That to me is AMAZING!!! So this song is to honor my dad. Who didn't have to be a dad again. He didn't have to marry a woman with 4 children. He didn't have to have me. My dad's heart was so big and so sweet and full of love!!

I miss his laugh and the twinkle in his eye when we came over! His birthday was yesterday. He would have been 87. My dad was amazing! I, too, can only hope to be as good to my children as he was to ALL of his!!

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY DADDY!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVFmHHxXCVg
(go here to watch the video and here the song)

I spent sometime last night going through Evey's box. A box full of pictures, cards, prayers, newspaper articles, and the book from the funeral. I can't say that it is easy doing this. I can't say that one day it will be easy. Some may wonder why I would cause myself more pain by reliving what March 2nd, 2006 brought. I want to remember her. I want to remember all the wonderful things that God did for us on that day. I want to teach my children about the love that was poured out onto this family. If I push away those feelings, then I am saying that she did not exist. AND SHE DID!!! She may not have lived outside my womb but she still lived. She kicked. Her heart beated. All her organs worked...she was alive and still is alive with MY SAVIOR!

I miss her.

I often wonder today...

What color eyes did she have?

How tall would she be today?

Hair color? Blonde like the others?

What would her little voice sound like?

So many questions that I will not be able to answer. So many things I wish I knew. Only God knows my answers. He is holding her for me today. Loving her for me. He has more love for her than I could have ever had...how amazing that she went from knowing only my love to knowing our Lord's love!!!!!

As I was going through the box of memories, I came across something special. Something that I forgot I had. A great friend of mine spoke at Evey's funeral and she typed it all out and gave me copy of it to hold on to and cherish. I am so thankful that she did. I want to share it with you!

"I was honored when Trey and Shelly asked me to SPEAK at the service today. So, today I will be reading to you some scriptures.

1 Corinthians 13:13 tells us
'So now faith, hope and love abide, these three, but the greatest of these is love.'
Evey's life was about this Great Love.

Jeremiah 1:5
'Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you.'
It was with HIS great love that she was carefully and lovingly formed by God.

1 John 4:7 instructs us
'Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.'

This child spent her whole life knowing only pure, unfaltering love. Nobody had ever seen her, but just knowing her, they felt this love for her. Love from her brother and sister, Love from countless family members and friends. Can you imagine living for 5 months on this earth knowing ONLY LOVE? No hate, now hunger, no fear, no shame,-JUST LOVE! We all would have cherished more time with her but I do treasure the thought that Evey had a life filled with pure love and she went to be in heaven where our Creator reigns, the one who first loved us.

I would like to close my time reading a poem. I have to be honest, I wrote 3 poems until I finally found one I could read through without crying.

Look around and what do you see?
Everywhere is God's great mercy.

Do you feel the wind on your face?
That is the Maker sending you His Grace.

Do you smell the coming rain?
That is the Creator trying to heal your pain.

Do you hear the sound of rolling thunder?
He is calling out to you to not suffer.

Do you see the sunshine streaming through the clouds above?
That is Evey sending down to you all her love.

It's alright to grieve, It's okay to cry.
It is so very hard to say goodbye.

I know Evey will hear every word we say,
Because she is with God in Heaven today."

Thank you friend for such sweet words!!

So today, I will be remembering my sweet angel girl. I will be cherishing the cards and sweet words that were shared with our family during our hard time. I will be loving my other 3 little angels a little harder today...thanking the Lord that he allowed them to stay with me! I will be thankful that Jesus has a Rocking Chair to hold and rock sweet little angels in, like mine!

Today I MISS HER!!!!!!!!

Here is last years post about Evey...please feel free to check it out...her little hand and foot prints are clearer to see.