2 Samuel 1:12

I am so far behind in my current bible study that is not even funny. I have been so overwhelmed with sick kids, work, and just life in general that I have pushed my time with the Lord aside...shame on me!!! I need my Savior everyday! Without Him, I am a mess. I feel unworthy. I feel...incomplete!!

So, in my trying to catch up God has revealed to me something that I so needed to hear right now!! The bible study is called "Anointed, Transformed, Redeemed" by Priscilla Shirer, Beth Moore, and Kay Arthur. It is a study of David, a man after God's own heart!!! Can I say...Amazing!!!!! Totally amazing! (there went my 80's talk that seems to want to come out more and more)

2 Samuel 1:12 "They mourned and wept and fasted till evening for Saul and his son Jonathan, and for the army of the Lord and the house of Israel, because they had fallen by the sword."

Why does this strike me? What could this scripture possible have to do with anything in my life?? Well, I too mourn. I mourn over the losses that I have experience. My sweet baby girl. My amazing father. My wonderful mother. My precious grandmother. All of these losses have occurred in the last 5 years. My heart breaks just as David's did. He mourned. He wept. He felt the loss just as I did. But what really got me was the study note. I love study notes. They really help me to look more into the scripture than just what I see.

"David and his men were visibly shaken over Saul's death. Their actions showed their genuine sorrow over the loss of their king, their friend Jonathan, and the other soldiers of Israel who died that day. They were not ashamed to grieve. Today, some people consider expressing emotions to be a sign of weakness. Those who wish to appear strong try to hide their feelings. But expressing our grief can help us deal with our intense sorrow when a loved one dies."

Even though the deaths that I mourn over happened from 5 years ago to almost 2 years ago, my heart still aches. My sorrow is still intense. I want to be strong, but why? Sometimes you just have to show your grief. Sometimes, you just have to cry. Sometimes you just have to crawl into the Lords lap and allow him to comfort you, to wipe your tears, and soothe your heart.

So, today I am crawling into my Lords lap and asking Him to help me. I am allowing Him to be my Comforter. My Shield. My Healer. I miss my mother so much! I miss my father! I miss my grandmother! I miss my angel baby girl! Oh how I need His arms wrapped around me this week. Please Lord! I need you!!

This is a sweet picture of my mommy holding my girl! This was at Autumn's 5th birthday party! What a wonderful fun day it was! Just reminiscing about my mom :/

All Stars

My All Star Boy!!

This was Rudy's first year to play All Stars! We had a blast! The coaches were
amazing with the boys and the families were all so
sweet and wonderful!! Expensive...oh yes...worth every penny???
You tell me...does that smile say it was worth it!?!
I would have to say...ummm...YES!

I have to brag a little...
My son really has a natural talent for baseball.
And the fact that he loves it makes it all that much better!
He really shines out on the field. He is loved by all his team mates and
really tries hard to encourage them and up lift them. A real team player :)

I am really proud of my son!! Even though we lost the first 2 games
and are now out of the tournament...

He will forever be My Little All Star
and
Number 1 in my book!!!

*Update on Operation Attitude Change*

Well, we had to move the cleaning outside! The attitude is just getting worse. Not that the inside of my house is clean, just thought they would get a little more out of some sweat and harder manual labor. We have a large front yard. We have a total of 1.5 acres of land and most of it is the front yard. So we thought push mowing would help do the trick. They took turns mowing. Around and around they went.

We have riding lawn mowers that we share with Trey's parents who live next door...and total we have 6 acres that we take care of. So they pushed and pushed. Really didn't take them long to mow the area that Daddy chose for them. And guess what??? They enjoyed it!!! Are you kidding me??? Even the friend that was over at the time wanted to help. What is wrong with them??? I guess I thought it was fun when I was little too, but, man that didn't work.

So, we moved inside again. This time to the bathroom.


Scrubbing the toilets!! Yucky!! Seems to be working. The attitudes are changing...we seem to be getting along better....we seem to be kinder....

UNTIL.....

Mommy got tired. Mommy got really tired. I slacked off. I started threatening to wash instead of making them wash. My fault completely! I have learned that I can not be distracted when it comes to the discipline of my children. I must stay on course. I must fight the fight. I must finish the race. No matter how tired I become. I can't get distracted by other things. Like...VBS...I was so stinking tired this past week with VBS and the late nights, that I didn't keep the course. I failed. BUT, I am back. Mommy is losing her mind again. Mommy wants to know what happened to my children...were they abducted by aliens and replaced by mean, rude little turkeys??? So, today, we are scrubbing again. Scrubbing the kitchen floor and the front door and entry way. Maybe we will be able to get back to where we were. Still praying for God to use me as His tool.

Oh, and lots of new ideas from some amazing friends. We are going to start them this week as well and I will try to post soon how they are working out. I am ready for a CHANGE!!! :)

Mommy's Going Crazy!!

Ok, ladies...it is only the second week of summer vacation and I am already going crazy!!! What is it about my kids?? They argue all the time. They don't mind, obey, listen or anything!!! I am just about to...be put away in the loony bin!!!!! Oh, and the attitude...oh my goodness! I can't stand all the attitude towards me or towards each other. Can you believe they even had the nerve to act up in Sunday School last week!?!? OH NO!! And was it this attitude of I want more, or what you offer is not enough for me...is what I have to give to them ever going to be enough?? Like for instance..."Mommy, can I have a piece of candy?"...."Yes, you may have one piece of candy."..."can I have 2?"....really? One is not good enough??? You want more? It is that way with everything!! We are not made of money. As a matter of fact we barely have enough right now to pay the bills and eat but they are still playing baseball and taking piano. We make it work because they enjoy those things. And heaven forbid if you tell them that they are going to miss a practice or a game...they act as if they are so miss treated. Urg!!!! I have had enough!!! I can't take it anymore! So, I have decided to deem this summer..............

Operation Attitude Change

If something does not change, I will totally lose it!! So, I was talking to Autumn's sweet piano teacher about how much they fight and she shared with me what her mom would do to them. If they fought they had to clean all the baseboards in the house! All of them! She said they had the cleanest baseboards in the whole town!! So, I was inspired!! Could that really help? Would that make a difference in their life...well, it is worth a shot right!! We have chore charts. They don't always work. But see I don't reward for the chore charts, maybe that is part of the problem with them. I feel that if I am expected to cook, clean, wash clothes, make lunches, and drive them around doing extra stuff...then they should be expected to help as well. I don't get paid for what I do, right? Anyway...we started on Monday. The attitude began and so did the cleaning!! They finished their chores and then more attitude from the seven year old. He seems to think he does not have to answer his sister when she is talking to her. Just ignore her. ALL THE TIME! So he had to scrub the kitchen floor on his hands and knees with a couple of wash rags. Yep, that's right! About 1/4 the way through he wanted a break...ummmmm...no way!! He worked and scrubbed until the floor was clean!!!! My kitchen floor is now sparkling!!

Tuesday...more daily chores...and then more attitude. This time from the nine year old. For some reason she just thinks she can be rude to her brother all the time!! Arguing over the Wii, just plain old attitude!!! She ended up having to clean the inside of the refrigerator! Yep that's right! My shelves inside my refrigerator are sparkling!!


!
She did a really good job! Then I got a really nice letter from her saying how sorry she was and she would try really hard to have JOY ( Jesus, Others, Yourself)!! Wonderful! Very sweet! They are now grounded from video games, or tv for 2 days for fighting over the Wii. *sigh*

Wednesday...today....here we go again. I had to go up to the church for an evaluation and they started out really good! No fighting, no rudeness! But, it did not last long! Today is the day to test if I have to obey all the time or just some of the time. You would have thought they had been raised in a barn!!!! Craziness consumed my nine year old! I had asked her 3 times to settle down but no! And then when we got home she was so tired that the rudeness to her brother showed up. She didn't listen to him at all. He asked her 2 times to stop and she just kept on!!! I was sitting right there too!!! REALLY!!! Come on!!! So you know that wall behind the trash can that get absolutely yucky with food splatters...well it is clean now, along with the outside of both refrigerators! My house will be really clean by the end of the month :)


I can't tell you how it is going to work out. I just asked them if they could tell me why they had to clean and neither one of them could tell me. *SIGH* Dang! I will continue. I will continue to talk to them, encourage them, share scriptures with them and anything else I can come up with. I am at my wits end! Spankings don't work well...they do but just for the day. Washing the mouth out with soap works for the day as well...BUT I need something long term. Something that will last. Something that may change how they view themselves and how they treat others. I am possibly going to plan a service they can do. Volunteering may help change their heart. I know that God is in control. I know the He is the only one who can truly change a heart but I am praying that He will use me as the tool to do so!!!




The last picture is of them writing sorry notes to their Sunday School teachers for the behavior that they had at church. We will be writing these notes as long as it takes. I need them to take "ownership" of the behavior that they choose to have.



Praying that this helps us out. Praying that God moves my children in a might way!! Will you pray with me? Will you ask God to move my children in a might way?? My hearts desire is that they will seek Him in all they do! Including how they treat others. I want so desperately for them to set the example for others to follow instead of always being the one following!!!!!



Hope your summer is starting off better than mine! Happy Sunshine Days :)

Memorial Day

I want to share with you all the scrapbook that I made for my father...it is not just an ordinary scrapbook...it is one to honor his days serving this country :) It was given to my father on his birthday. The birthday before we found out that he had cancer. The first picture is at his party! It is the last picture that shows my dad truly happy!! He is wearing a Airforce hat and bomber jacket that we gave him as well....which is now hanging in my closet.

(I am sorry if it looks grainy or not quite right...it is a picture of a picture.)

My father was really proud of this country and serving it was an honor!! I remember lots of stories that he shared...if only I had written them down!! The next several pictures are of the book. I hope you can see them okay, I had to turn the flash off because of the glare off the plastic covering.

Ok...I loved making this book for my dad and now my children can enjoy it as well :)

Thanks Daddy for serving your country and willing to die for it! We all thank you for your service ♥

Piano Recital

My oldest had her first Piano Recital on Monday! She was so nervous. I am so proud of her...she did a great job! Her teacher tells me all the time how impressed she is with Autumn's ability. Autumn has been taking piano lessons since February!! That is 3 months of lessons and then a recital, really? She is really fast learner and loves the piano so much...actually she loves music!!! It moves her in crazy ways :) Her teacher told me at the recital that Autumn can teach me the things she is learning, and I laughed. She has already tried to teach me somethings and gets upset with me when I hold my notes to long!!! Her teacher, Ms. E, told me that didn't surprise her one bit...Autumn will almost argue with her about whether or not she play an A or a B note...surprising??? No way!!! That's my girl :) Anyway, I just wanted to show you some pictures of that day. My beautiful little girl is growing up!!

Remember!

I love changing my blog to go along with the Holidays that we will be celebrating that month. But as May comes close, I was trying to decide if I wanted to celebrate Mother's Day or Memorial Day. This Mother's Day will not be easy for me, 2nd year without my mom here, so I decided to focus on Memorial Day. Let us not forget how we got our Freedom!! The men and women who give their lives for our freedom everyday, need to be remembered and thanked for their love of our country. My father served in the United States Air Force. He flew in WWII and the Korean War (Conflict)!! I am thankful that he chose to fight for freedom. I have several family members that have served in the military. Where would we be if they did not love this country so much?? I shudder at the thought!!

I am proud to be an American, I hope you are too!!

(I have to warn you about one of the songs playing...Toby Keith as a few choice words in the song "Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue"...I love this song. You can skip it or just turn it off) :)

Prayers

Well, it has been a while since I have posted anything. I haven't forgot about my blog. I just have not be able to post in a while and still may not be able to post anything else for a while.



I have here to ask my bloggy friends to pray for me.




Not saying exactly what for.




Just know that I need prayers...lots of prayers.



Thank you prayer warriors!!

He Didn't Have to Be!

I am sure you have heard the song "He Didn't Have to Be" by Brad Paisley.

What? You haven't?

Oh, you must hear the song!


I know that the song is really a song from a son to his dad, but I really think of my dad when I hear the song.

How?

Well, the song is so my dad! He started dating my mom, who was a single mom with 4 kids!! Not just one kid BUT 4!! He not only fell in love with my mom but also with ALL the kids as well. They married. He took the kids in, treated them like the his own, adopted them and gave them his name. I am amazed by that.

Why is that so amazing???


Well, my mom was 29 with 4 kids and my dad was 51!!! His other 3 kids were grown, married with families of their own and he loving took 4 kids...ages 2-8...and started raising them!!!





That to me is AMAZING!!! So this song is to honor my dad. Who didn't have to be a dad again. He didn't have to marry a woman with 4 children. He didn't have to have me. My dad's heart was so big and so sweet and full of love!!


I miss his laugh and the twinkle in his eye when we came over! His birthday was yesterday. He would have been 87. My dad was amazing! I, too, can only hope to be as good to my children as he was to ALL of his!!


HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY DADDY!!!!!!!!!!



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVFmHHxXCVg
(go here to watch the video and here the song)

Jesus Has A Rocking Chair

Be sure to pause the music playing before watching the video...oh and grab a box of tissues!

Remembering My Little Angel

I spent sometime last night going through Evey's box. A box full of pictures, cards, prayers, newspaper articles, and the book from the funeral. I can't say that it is easy doing this. I can't say that one day it will be easy. Some may wonder why I would cause myself more pain by reliving what March 2nd, 2006 brought. I want to remember her. I want to remember all the wonderful things that God did for us on that day. I want to teach my children about the love that was poured out onto this family. If I push away those feelings, then I am saying that she did not exist. AND SHE DID!!! She may not have lived outside my womb but she still lived. She kicked. Her heart beated. All her organs worked...she was alive and still is alive with MY SAVIOR!

I miss her.

I often wonder today...

What color eyes did she have?

How tall would she be today?

Hair color? Blonde like the others?

What would her little voice sound like?

So many questions that I will not be able to answer. So many things I wish I knew. Only God knows my answers. He is holding her for me today. Loving her for me. He has more love for her than I could have ever had...how amazing that she went from knowing only my love to knowing our Lord's love!!!!!

As I was going through the box of memories, I came across something special. Something that I forgot I had. A great friend of mine spoke at Evey's funeral and she typed it all out and gave me copy of it to hold on to and cherish. I am so thankful that she did. I want to share it with you!

"I was honored when Trey and Shelly asked me to SPEAK at the service today. So, today I will be reading to you some scriptures.

1 Corinthians 13:13 tells us
'So now faith, hope and love abide, these three, but the greatest of these is love.'
Evey's life was about this Great Love.

Jeremiah 1:5
'Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you.'
It was with HIS great love that she was carefully and lovingly formed by God.

1 John 4:7 instructs us
'Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.'

This child spent her whole life knowing only pure, unfaltering love. Nobody had ever seen her, but just knowing her, they felt this love for her. Love from her brother and sister, Love from countless family members and friends. Can you imagine living for 5 months on this earth knowing ONLY LOVE? No hate, now hunger, no fear, no shame,-JUST LOVE! We all would have cherished more time with her but I do treasure the thought that Evey had a life filled with pure love and she went to be in heaven where our Creator reigns, the one who first loved us.

I would like to close my time reading a poem. I have to be honest, I wrote 3 poems until I finally found one I could read through without crying.

Look around and what do you see?
Everywhere is God's great mercy.

Do you feel the wind on your face?
That is the Maker sending you His Grace.

Do you smell the coming rain?
That is the Creator trying to heal your pain.

Do you hear the sound of rolling thunder?
He is calling out to you to not suffer.

Do you see the sunshine streaming through the clouds above?
That is Evey sending down to you all her love.

It's alright to grieve, It's okay to cry.
It is so very hard to say goodbye.

I know Evey will hear every word we say,
Because she is with God in Heaven today."

Thank you friend for such sweet words!!

So today, I will be remembering my sweet angel girl. I will be cherishing the cards and sweet words that were shared with our family during our hard time. I will be loving my other 3 little angels a little harder today...thanking the Lord that he allowed them to stay with me! I will be thankful that Jesus has a Rocking Chair to hold and rock sweet little angels in, like mine!


Today I MISS HER!!!!!!!!



Here is last years post about Evey...please feel free to check it out...her little hand and foot prints are clearer to see.

YUMMY!

After church we had a bake auction...kind of like a cake sale but the cakes are auctioned off. We did this to raise money for a mission trip to Mexico. It was so much fun. We usually have this auction to raise money for the youth group to go to camp, but we decided to let them raise money for the mission trip instead. You would not believe how much some of these things go for!!! There was this one dish...it was Death by Chocolate!!! I wanted it! I called Trey in the room. We were ready! The bidding began! And it quickly grew out of our price range!!!!! When the price reached over $60, we stopped bidding! The final price for the dish...$200!!! Yes, I am serious!!!!!

So we settled for some cupcakes that looked like Elmo. Too cute! Of course we bought them for our little Elmo nut, Hannah! She tried to grab them out of our hand! Now, they are not perfect. Someone said they were left over from a party the day before, but we didn't care...they were still cute and I knew that my little girl would love it!!



So when we got home, we ate lunch and had a cupcake. Even Hannah had a cupcake. I was a little worried about the red icing...sometimes it just doesn't taste all that good. But these were suuuuper yummy!!!! Hannah loved hers so much.........................................



So, I bet you are wondering what we paid for the Elmo cupcakes...it went to a wonderful cause so the price is worth it!!! ($40) I tried to upload a video of her eating it but it took to long. I will try again later. She barely looked up from her cupcake...she was serious about her sugar!!

That's my girl!!!!

You know its bad when.....

YOUR SECRET SISTER AT WORK LEAVES YOU THIS....





Shelly's Armor Against Sickness!!


I LOVE IT!!!

I thought it was so cute and exactly what we seem to need. My oldest, Autumn has had the stomach bug 3 times now!! Do you know how many missed days that is??? Lets not even count. This gift was all in a nice white sack with cute scriptures attached to it.


"My son, attend to my words; incline thine ear unto My savings. Let them not depart from thine eyes; Keep them in the midst of thine heart. For they are life unto those that find them, and health to all their flesh." Proverbs 4:20-22


"For I will restore health unto thee, and will heal thee of thy wounds, saith the Lord..."
Jeremiah 30:17

"What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye received them, and ye shall have them." Mark 11:24

"And the Lord will take away from thee all sickness." Deuteronomy 7:15



Is that not the coolest thing...and so creative!!! Thank you so much!!!

Watch out secret sister I am on to you!!!!!

WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM

IN CASE YOU ALL ARE WONDERING...









WE HAVE BEEN WITNESSES OF SOMETHING HORRIBLE...










SOMETHING SO DISGUSTING....









SOMETHING YOU SHOULD NEVER HAVE TO WITNESS...







THIS HAS FORCED US TO GO INTO HIDING...










WE ARE NOW PART OF THE WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM...







WE ARE BEING HUNTED....








WE ARE BEING WATCHED...









GRAB YOUR CHILDREN AND RUN......








DON'T LOOK BACK....








IT IS............















THE STOMACH BUG VIRUS!!!!
he is mean. he is scary. he makes your children lie around in the middle of the floor moaning. he makes your children tell you things...gross things! he strips you of your freedom.


HELP!!!! SOMEBODY PLEASE!!!




SAVE US!!!








for now we are forced to hide our faces, lock our doors, and to not breathe on anyone!! if you see us...run! but we look different now. we were forced to put on disguises. we are contagious. don't talk to us or the bug chasing us will find you too!





if you see these faces....

























RUN!


please be in prayer for our family. it seems as though the stomach bug has decided to settle down right here in our house. only the girls have had it so far, which means either the boys are immune or they are next to fall. i have been off work all week and stuck in this house :( hopefully next week will be a healthier week for us!!! thank you prayer warriors.




UPDATE:
TREY HAS FALLEN TO THE BUG!

WE ARE NOT ALL IMMUNE!

WHO WILL BE THE NEXT TO BECOME ITS VICTIM!!??


Next....Rudy stayed home today! He has been a real trooper! He may even go to school tomorrow! It is official...we have all had the bug...
Hopefully he is done with this family and will move out! Time to "raid" the house :)

ONE YEAR

Can it really be?

Are we sure?

Did time really go by that fast?

One whole year?

Really?



Well, that is what the calendar says. It says that I have not seen or heard my moms voice in year!! UNBELIEVABLE!!! I lay wake at night trying to remember her laughter...her voice...the way she walked...the way she would smile when we came over...am I forgetting? Or is my mind blocking it to keep me from hurting more? Oh, how I would love to remember!! I have pictures all over the house to remind me of her smile and how beautiful she was. But the only little things are slipping away!!! UGH!! I was sitting here thinking the other day...do I still have her voice recorded on my old answering machine? Could it be there? Should I try to listen to it? What if it is not there? I decided that I would not try, I would be too upset if it wasn't there and if it was...well that would open a flood gate that I have been pushing to keep closed!

My mother was my best friend. I have a lot of close good friends but my mother was the one that I talked to everyday. Saw everyday, well maybe not every day but several times a week!


I miss her.

I miss our friendship.

My children miss her.

Oh my how time flies. My advice to you all...take time to enjoy each other!!!! Don't be so wrapped up in life that you forget to live!! Don't regret not doing something.


Has it really been one year?

I miss you Mother!!!!